Why We Hate the Wait
May 2, 2011
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I recently read a post on Psych Central by Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project. The post was called 8 Reasons Why Waiting in Lines Drives Us Crazy and it referenced an article called The Psychology of Waiting Lines by David H. Maister.
Maister’s article is aimed at the service industry and why people despise waiting in lines. I decided to read it because it sounded interesting. I discovered that a lot of it would translate into something to help us all be Happy Writers — a little insight into why we hate the wait.
Feeling anxious makes the wait seem longer
The more worried we are about whether this manuscript is going to be “the One,” the longer the wait will seem. I’ve actually heard writers who had been waiting for a while say that they’d just rather get the rejection than to have to keep waiting…because then at least they’d know.
We also worry that we’ve chosen the “wrong line.” Maybe we should have queried a different agent, submitted to a different editor/publisher. Maybe we should have submitted a different book.
The more anxious we feel about any part of the process, the longer the wait is going to seem.
It’s harder to wait when you don’t know how long it will take
Knowing that you’ll have an answer in X amount of time relieves an enormous amount of tension, doesn’t it? It’s easier to wait for anything – in line at the bank or grocery store or in the physician’s office, if you know how long the wait will be. But the minute the time frame ceases to be finite, we become antsy. Because for all we know the wait could be forever.
The wait seems worse when you don’t know why it’s taking so long
Have you ever waited “too long” at a doctor’s office and gone to the receptionist to ask, “Why is it taking so long?” If she gives you an answer — such as that there was an emergency or another patient was needing more care than expected — you’re likely to go back to waiting at least a little more patiently than when you didn’t have a reason. The facts didn’t change, the wait didn’t change, but now you have an explanation, which makes it a bit easier to take.
Works the same with the submission process. We torture ourselves with wait times by needing to know WHY it’s taking so long.
The main worry when a submission seems to taking forever to garner a reply is that we’ve been forgotten. As the wait time for that acceptance or rejection increases, we begin to wonder if we shouldn’t ping the agent to make sure they got our submission. Or write the editor and subtly ask, yet again, how long they usually take to reply (even though it’s posted on their website). This tactic is really just a plea to be told we haven’t been forgotten. The minute they say, “Yes, I have it. Give me three more weeks,” we relax again…even if it takes longer than 3 weeks. Because we know now that we haven’t been forgotten.
Further speculation about how long it’s taking can take the form of wondering if the editor who claimed to love your manuscript is now fighting impotently against a committee of naysayers, who will ultimately reject you, or if the agent you clicked with at the conference is taking so long because she wants to let you down easy and can’t figure out how to do it.
Knowing why the wait is what it is helps, but doesn’t happen often in this business. The speculating just makes you crazy, so stop.
If you feel the wait time is unfair, you’re going to be more unhappy
Why should you have to wait five years to be published when So-and-So only had to wait three? Why was Author X an “overnight success” while you’re still waiting for your big break. Why was it so easy for every one of your critique partners to get an agent, while you’re still banging on doors?
No matter how long or short the wait is, it’s going to seem less fair if someone else got there ahead of you. There often doesn’t seem to be rhyme or reason for it either. Maybe you feel you work harder than Author X does, but she achieved the success you’re working toward so much quicker. It’s like she cut in line in front of you.
The thing is, there is no line. There’s no such thing as “first in, first out” in the marathon of publishing. There’s just one great big pile of writers at the starting line, racing toward publication. Those who pull out ahead faster might not be the ones who reach publication first. In fact, some latecomers to the race may even beat all of you who started together. It’s not about fairness, it’s about perseverance.
If you’re occupied during the waiting time, it’s going to go faster
A big mistake writers make is not moving forward. While they are waiting for news from a prospective agent or editor. While they’re waiting to see if their contract is going to be renewed to decide which book to work on next. While they’re waiting to see if that final in a contest turns into a win. The mistake in this situation is not remaining occupied. The more idle you are, the longer the wait will seem and the more unhappy you will be if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to.
The more valuable the end result to you, the longer you’re willing to wait
If you were told unequivocally that it would take you 15 years of writing and then you would be guaranteed to be a published author…would you still go for it? If it means enough to you, of course you would.
On the other hand, many writers give up after only a year or two — or before they’ve half started — because it just doesn’t have the meaning to them as it does to the rest of us and they aren’t willing to wait.
Waiting by yourself seems to take longer than waiting with company
Ever been to a writers’ conference? Do you have a critique group or support group online? Have you ever stood in very long line at the post office to mail off a manuscript and found yourself becoming best buddies with the guy behind you, because one or the other of you starts commiserating about how long you’ve been standing there?
With company, with people who are also waiting, your wait doesn’t seem so painful. If you never came into contact with anyone else in the same seemingly interminable queue you’re in, the wait would seem longer.
With support, you can help each other take your minds off how long it’s taking and work out strategies for moving forward while you wait. If you pass at least some of the time talking about writing and sharing experiences, time will seem to go faster.
Hopefully, knowing a little bit about why you hate waiting will help you be a little more patient. The most important thing, I think, is to keep occupied while you wait. Keep writing. Don’t stop production to wait and see what happens.
While you’re busily creating your potential future backlist, the wait time will go by faster, you’ll be creating good writing habits, and you’ll be more likely to retain a positive attitude no matter what the outcome.
Image Credit: quirkybird
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“If you’re occupied during the waiting time” is one reason to LOVE the waiting time. If you’ve got query letters out to agents, or are waiting for your agent to get back to you about publishers, it’s best to be working on your next project. Not only because the work will keep your mind off the wait, but because having another project lined up is something that tells agents and publishers that you’re a serious writer – they love new projects. Happy writing today, everyone!
That’s a really great point, Joan! Continuing the work while waiting for action from someone else proves that you are, indeed, a serious writer. That will be more than impressive to agents or editors considering you.
Great advice, and I second Joan Dempsey’s comment. Always be working on something new during the wait time! My first effort didn’t get pubbed, but the one I worked on while I was waiting did. And one of the first things the pub asks is, “What are you doing next?”
Exactly, Margaret! When I was agent hunting, I had interest in one of the manuscripts, but she wasn’t sure she could sell it. After a long chat on the phone, she asked what else I had. I told her what I was working on, and she told me to send it to her as soon as I had 50 pages. I did, and when we talked again, she offered representation because she could see that I had potential. If I hadn’t been working on anything else, I’d have stammered that I wasn’t working on anything, and I think I can safely say we wouldn’t have spoken further after that.
Thanks for the comment!
I’ve had friends make two book deals; one who’d almost finished a novel to accompany a book of stories, the other had a second book in idea phase and sold it on the strength of his first book. There’s definitely something to the notion that you’ve got a second book in you . . .
Great article – very helpful to me as I begin branching out into the world of publishing with my MSS in the next several months. Now, I am fully aware what to expect.
Also, I appreciated your comments, Joan and Margaret. :)
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This really made me laugh. Waiting is such a huge part of writing. It also made me think of a scene in a recent episode of Supernatural where hell had been revised to be one long line with the number board serving number 3 of a gazillion.
“What happens when they get to the end of the line?” the lead hero character asks.
“Nothing. They just have to go back to the end of the line and start all over again,” the demon replied.
OMG! That WOULD be hell! That would have been a great example for the article, Theresa. :)
Well, I have stumbled upon this lovely, encouraging and cleverly written blog, much to my joy!
I was a speaker at The Winchester Writer’s Festival in July and a very famous Publisher went off with copies of Joni-Pip…..he has had them seven weeks now and I have received only one e-mail from him saying he thought we were all ‘fab’ when he saw the clip of us on BBC Television’s ‘Secret Britain’.
This blog, ‘Why we hate the wait’ by Shannon McKelden will be copied and printed and duly stuck up on the cover of my laptop to act as a reminder and an encouragement to be eternally patient and continue cracking on with BOOK TWO.
Thank you so much!
Carrie
Thank YOU, Carrie, for all the kinds words! I’m so glad to be able to inspire you to keep going. That patience thing can be a real struggle for us writers, and it sure is nice to know we aren’t alone in it. :)
Best of luck to you!